We had a home inspection scheduled for the same weekend I ended up in the hospital. We told my parents that we were bringing in a structural engineer to look at some issues that came up during the inspection, but between coughing and not having a voice and the general craziness of rapidly declining health, I hadn’t mentioned this development to anyone else. A well-meaning family member called my mother to see what was new with me. My mother replied,
“Well, the structural damage isn’t quite as bad as it could have been.”
Confused, the other family member was left to ponder if she was referring to me or to the house. I was the obvious choice, and he felt confident in his selection.
“No, no, I’m just as structurally defective as ever,” I said when he relayed this to me.
Silence.
“But it’s okay. I would have picked me, too.”
As I told my editor this week, I think I got my end-of-semester illness out of the way early this year. Ok, it’s still lingering, but I remain optimistic. For as long as I can remember, (we’re talking nursery school here) November and December have always been plague-ridden months in my world. When I was in grade school I always had surgeries right around this time—a few times on Christmas Eve day, even—and throughout college I always wound up in the hospital near or during finals.
Awesome timing.
In the dark days of misdiagnosis, when my doctors were scrambling to figure out why my lungs got worse no matter what they did or how many steroids I took, they were wont to ply me with this: “Are you sure you’re not stressed out? Maybe stress is causing all these exacerbations.” Because we can’t figure out the real problem, we’ll put it back on you.
As calmly as I could, I explained time and again that being stressed did not make me sick. Being sick and knowing I was then going to fall behind in studying for finals and miss all the end-of-semester festivities? Now that made me stressed. They had it backwards.
Know what I mean? I'm not foolish enough to say that stress doesn't make health conditions and situations worse. Of course it does, and of course it has for me. But it's a cop out for someone to say stress is the cause of illness simply because he or she can't find an obvious answer and isn't willing to dig deeper to find the correct one.
I never backed down from this assertion that they had it in reverse, even when I missed both Thanksgiving and Christmas one year because I was in the hospital. Luckily, I now have doctors who know that the reason my lungs don’t respond to asthmatic protocol is because my problems are not caused by asthma. (Cue resounding duh here). But I have been thinking a lot about this time of year, and why it’s usually such a disastrous period of time.
It’s really not that complicated. It’s cold and flu season. More people are clustered indoors because it’s colder out. There are more social engagements to keep us out late, and more errands and cleaning and cooking to do on weekends when we would normally have some downtime. There’s a crunch to get big work projects finished before year’s end, so even though we’re out later and more often, we find ourselves getting up earlier. And no matter how healthy we are otherwise, the more run down we are, the more susceptible we are to the many infections that travel around this time of year.
Somehow, this seems like a much more plausible explanation. And it is one more reason why I have never backed down.
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13 comments:
Ugh. I've had so many doctors who wanted to blame my illnesses on stress. The doctor I saw during my college years, every time I turned up with some kind of illness, would ask me about my class load, social life, jobs I was juggling, and conclude that the reason I was sick was because I was doing too much. "Just take it easy," he'd always say. "Do a little less."
I've been fortunate that most of the doctors I've seen for the undiagnosed illness I've had since June have tried to blame it on stress. When I was in the hospital, with a heart rate hitting over 200 bpm whenever I got out of bed, nurses would ask me if I had a history of anxiety attacks. Well, no. But I'm feeling pretty anxious since I've been here and seen my heart rate doing things it shouldn't.
I guess I don't really have a point to make other than that I understand and have had similar experiences. And good for you for never accepting those doctors who tried to blame your illness on stress.
BTW, I am also so sick of people telling me my GI issues are stress-related. That's so astute of your piece that it often is people putting the cause back on us. I never thought of it like that.
"Know what I mean?"
Yes, I know exactly what you mean. The idea that my illness CAUSES stress, rather than is CAUSED BY stress, is something I have had great difficulty getting people (and doctors) to understand. Yes, stress makes my illnesses worse, but I do my best to manage that. But the stress my illness make worse - those are harder to control, harder to deal with. (Like spending Christmas and Thanksgiving in the hospital...) Here's hoping that your illness is indeed out of the way for this season: I'll keep my fingers crossed.
I so get this. When my oldest son first started getting sick - I took him to his pediatrician with a list of symptoms we had seen for the previous 18 months. He told me - it wasn't him, it was me, and that I didn't know how to parent. he suggested I get couseling to deal with my obvious feelings of being overwhelmed by parenting. I fired him. I demanded my son's medical records, and I never, ever looked back. Yes, not only does your stress cause your own illness, it can cause your childs too according to that doc. Seriously, one of my concerns was that in 18 months he had NEVER had a formed stool, that he had constant diahrrea. Apparently a stressed out parent caused it.
We have friends who actually had their son taken from them and put into foster care for 28 days because some idiot doctor accused them of causing their sons disease (yes, a mitrochronindrial disorder - a GENETIC condition, and an immune disease).
It's a total cop-out to blame it all on stress, and it's a cop-out that aggravates me to no end!
I loved the structural humor, and I hope you've met your end-of-semester illness quota!
Do you use an electric blanket? I know, that's more off-the-wall than Stress. But I would swear and my DH agrees that using an electric blanket made me sick all winter for years.
Ah, I knew I'd strike a chord here. It's amazing how no matter how different the ailments are, the experience with stress is the same.
Clearly stress can make breathing problems worse. But did stress cause severe infections that resulted in 20+ surgeries, multiple hospitalizations, collapsed lungs, daily green phlegm, and respiratory failure, to name a few? Um, no. But perhaps an immune disease, PCD, and bronchiectasis could cause all that, no?
I am so grateful I will never hear that line of questioning again!
Ah, I knew I'd strike a chord here. It's amazing how no matter how different the ailments are, the experience with stress is the same.
Clearly stress can make breathing problems worse. But did stress cause severe infections that resulted in 20+ surgeries, multiple hospitalizations, collapsed lungs, daily green phlegm, and respiratory failure, to name a few? Um, no. But perhaps an immune disease, PCD, and bronchiectasis could cause all that, no?
I am so grateful I will never hear that line of questioning again!
It is quite sickening--pun intended--how doctors are quick to blame the patient when they are stumped.
I have a genetic heart condition that has caused my heart walls to be thick and stiff. I've spent YEARS being told by "top" cardiologists that chest pain is "not a symptom" of my condition and that it must be from something else.
How about stupidity? Can your ignorance give me a headache?
I know stress did not cause my chronic pain condition, and certainly having pain shoots my stress level through the roof. I do believe that stress does have an impact on my pain. As do changes in the weather, diet, work load, and life. After so many years of this cycle (pain->stress->pain->stress), I have come to see that my body, my pain, my spirit, and my world are always intertwining. What matters to me now is not what causes what - but what can I do to alleviate pain when it spikes and to be in life as much as possible.
btw - you are a terrific writer! I'm glad I found your blog.
Thanks, Barbara! I'd glad I now found yours, too!
And, btw, I totally agree--at this point in my life, I don't care which combination of conditions and life factors cause which symptoms--I just care about what I can do to get back to my life.
I too get sick in those two months quite often. When I am stress, I do tend to get colds and flus and all those lovely things.
I still wouldn't use it as a cop out though.
You have some really great articles here.
I too am so tired of doctors saying
"it's all in your head"
Undiagnosed Illness
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